Love and Moral Outrage: From Nashville to Connecticut

truck parking

This is the sermon I preached at First Church Simsbury on September 3, 2017.

Romans 12:9-21

Yesterday morning, I pulled into the Starbucks parking lot looking forward to my weekly spiritual practice of sermon writing. The first thing I noticed was how full the parking lot was, but to my delight there were two parking spaces directly in front of me! But wouldn’t you know it, the huge pickup truck ahead of me took both spaces, clearly over the line, making it difficult if not impossible for me to park in the other space.  Immediately annoyed, I pulled up a little, making clear my intent to park in the other space, expecting him to move to make room for me.

There was a bit of a standoff, his reverse lights went on, then off again, and in the end it became clear he intended to stay right where he was. Now I was more than annoyed, and wedged my car into the half-space that was left, leaving little room for either of us to get out. As I squeezed out of the car I came face to face with the man in the truck and said, “Excuse me sir, you are taking up two parking spaces.” In hind sight, I recognize my polite words were not the least bit consistent with how I was feeling inside. He dropped any pretense of being polite, not passive aggressive but just plain aggressive he said, “Ya think?! Did you really need to park in that space!” We both walked away in a huff.

But it quickly became clear to me that we were both headed to Starbucks, and wouldn’t you know it I ended up right behind him and his wife in line! I was feeling righteous anger, clear I was in the right, and shaky from the confrontation. I began to imagine all sorts of terrible things about him. But I heard him order, and he sounded like a pretty normal, decent guy. I took a few deep breaths and tried to gain some perspective. After all, I’m the Pastor of this prominent church, I can’t just say and do whatever is on my mind. How could I have approached this differently? What could I do now to redeem the situation in a way that would be authentic for me?

Even though I recognized that I had played a part in our confrontation, I wasn’t going to apologize. After all, he did take two spots! But maybe I could say something like, “Look, we got off on the wrong foot. I’m pretty sure you are a nice guy, and I’m a nice guy too. My name is George.” I was rehearsing variations of this speech as I waited for my coffee, and suddenly, there he was walking toward me. I took a deep breath, but before I could say anything he reached out his hand and said, “I’m sorry about that. I am driving a borrowed truck and was worried about damaging it.” I shook his hand and laughed, “I was just going to say something too, I’m sorry about that. My name is George.” He responded with his name, Bill, and that was that! He left with his coffee, all the tension I had been feeling left my body, and I sat down to write my sermon.

That said, I am still clear that I correctly judged his actions. He was wrong. He asserted all the space as his own, thereby excluding others. His justification for his actions didn’t change this. But as a result of the words and handshake we exchanged in Starbucks I can now say this without anger or malice.

In his letter to the church in Rome Paul writes, “Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good.” This brings to mind the popular aphorism, “Love the sinner; hate the sin.”

This saying has rubbed many a progressive Christian the wrong way. Often applied by evangelical Christians to the treatment of gays and lesbians, it strikes me as an insincere way of expressing love, and a backhanded way of judging people.

On Tuesday, a group of conservative, evangelical religious leaders released a “manifesto” they named the Nashville Statement, asserting their belief that marriage should be between a man and a woman, and condemning what they called “homosexual immorality and transgenderism.”

I had the same reaction to this statement that I had to that man taking up two parking spaces. I felt my blood pressure rise  and my stomach clench. Here they were trying to claim all God’s space as their own while excluding others.

The Nashville Statement is a series of short, tightly argued paragraphs for what they believe to be true about sexuality and gender. And sure enough, it includes a call to “love the sinner, hate the sin,” not in so many words, but using the well-known corollary, “to speak the truth in love.”

But here’s the thing. My Starbucks acquaintance can justify his choice to take two parking spaces, he was trying not to damage a borrowed truck, but that doesn’t make it right. I don’t agree with the Nashville Statement’s justification, specifically their definition of sin and truth. Those who signed this statement claim that homosexuality and being transgendered are behavioral choices, sinful ones; I assert that variations in gender and sexual orientation are aspects of identity, part of the beautiful diversity of God’s creation. “

I am not alone in this, of course. Just days after the Nashville Statement was released, Episcopal clergy in Connecticut responded with what they call the Connecticut Statement, saying:

We put forth a different vision: one in which God made diversity as one of God’s first creative acts; in which God infused that diversity into the human species; and in which God invites us to celebrate the vast array of identities that all weave together to make the tapestry of humanity. We believe the Biblical witness supports such a vision and that the Holy Spirit is moving the Christian Church to acceptance, celebration, and full inclusion of people of all sexual orientations and gender identities, and indeed of all races, ethnicities, nationalities, ages, and abilities. Far from being antithetical to the Good News of Jesus Christ, such movement fulfills the dream of God that all be welcomed and affirmed as God’s beloved children.

 

The Nashville Statement seeks to exclude. This is, in fact, a way to understand sin, acting in a way that seeks to separate people one from another and from God. While the Nashville Statement separates, the Connecticut Statement lays claim to a God whose love embraces all people.

As I always affirm at the beginning of each service, we are an Open and Affirming church, meaning that we have a statement of our own, that says, “Led by God’s spirit, we welcome, respect and affirm all people, without regard to sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, race, ethnicity, gender, age, marital status, economic circumstance, or physical, emotional or mental ability.”

Though I have never liked, “Love the sinner; hate the sin” civil rights activist Ruby Sale recently said something that sounds similar. “In these times,” she says, “we must learn to hold together both love and moral outrage.”

This is not unlike Paul’s challenge to us in Romans to:

  • Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.
  • Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all.
  • Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

So how does one go about this? What might we learn from my encounter at Starbucks?

As I took time to reflect on this experience I realized a few things. I recognize the way I responded in the moment contributed to the conflict between me and the driver of the truck. Pulling up close to wait for him to move communicated my irritation and impatience, then to be fake-nice in telling him what he already knew ramped up the existing tension between us.

Sharing the same neutral space for a time was helpful for both of us, to observe one another apart from our disagreement. We both had to arrive at a place where we were prepared to acknowledge our role in the conflict and apologize for that.

Now notice, I am not saying we let go of our beliefs about the thing itself, merely about how we had behaved in response. I still think he was wrong to take two parking spaces, and he may still believe he was justified in doing so. Yet we were both able to recognize that the ways we acted toward each other were not helpful and act to change that.

There is the underlying right and wrong of a thing. Then there are the layers of emotion, the righteous anger, the moral indignation, and the judgment of character that we heap upon the other. We end up responding as much to these feelings as we do to the underlying disagreement.

So, let me offer a couple cautions before posing a question.

I am not suggesting a moral equivalence between taking two parking spaces and condemning gay and transgender people; one is a  minor annoyance, the other ruins lives. If there is any value in the parking space story it is only as parable and metaphor.

I also recognize that gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people need to safeguard their physical and emotional well-being, and this may mean choosing not to directly engage in any way those who judge them.

With these qualifications in mind, I am left to wonder how we can create neutral settings that allow us to encounter those with whom we have strong differences, metaphorical Starbucks lines that could allow us to experience one another in a less threatening way, giving us time to reflect upon and accept responsibility for our own role in conflict, shake hands and learn each other’s names.

Amen.

 

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Sanctuary

This is the sermon I preached at First Church Simsbury on June 19, 2016, the Sunday following the murder of forty-nine people in the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, Florida

 

Jeremiah 31:10-17, John 20:19-23

Here’s something most people don’t hear from their pastor on a typical Sunday morning:

I’ve spent a lot of time in bars. Yep, it’s true.

Of course I went to college in New Orleans when the drinking age was still 18. So there were some late nights at Pat O’Brien’s in the French Quarter.

But beyond this youthful exploration of freedom, when I met my wife Lourdes in my late 30’s she was working as a cocktail waitress at the Outrigger Reef Hotel on the beach in Waikiki. I courted her at her poolside bar, called the Chief’s Hut. This was a warm welcoming place where tourists from every walk of life sat side-by-side with locals coming off the beach for a little refreshment. Young couples on their honeymoon and retired couples taking their dream vacation sipped Mai Tais and Pina Coladas next to leathery-skinned beach boys who brought beer in their own coolers. There were truck drivers, bankers, even a retired Baptist minister and his Sunday school teaching, organ playing wife.

I once preached as sermon about the Chief’s Hut as an example of hospitality that churches might seek to emulate.

Early last Sunday morning, a hate-filled tragedy played out at a gay bar in Orlando Florida when a gunman shot and killed forty-nine men and women and injured fifty-three others. In the days that followed some of my gay and lesbian friends and colleagues took the opportunity to talk about their experiences in bars, specifically gay bars.

One of my seminary professors, Sharon Fenema writes: “When I was first coming out, the only places I could go and feel safe, feel like I could be myself, sense the presence of the Holy in my body, mind and spirit were the gay clubs. To dance, to celebrate, to see other people like me, my family, my community – was all I had keeping me alive some days.”

My best friend Michael writes: “Every tragedy has its unique DNA. For gay men of my generation, the clubs were sanctuaries, places of safety, fellowship, community organizing and self-discovery.”

I have felt the presence of the Holy that Sharon describes and observed the sanctuary Michael identifies. You see, not only have I spent a goodly amount of time in bars in general, for a straight guy, I have spent a lot of time in gay bars.

For three years in the mid-nineties I led an AIDS service organization that coordinated volunteer support for people living with HIV and AIDS. Gay board members and volunteers for that organization would invite me to the well-known gay bar in Waikiki, Hula’s, for a beer. Not only was this a safe comfortable place for them to meet, I think they saw this as part of the acculturation that was necessary for me to better serve a predominantly gay constituency.

Then, right around the time Lourdes and I started dating, my best friend Michael, the one I just quoted, began dating the man who is now his husband, Stacey. The four of us became fast friends and would often double date, ending our evening at Hulas for drinks and dancing. I don’t know that I have ever experienced such freedom, such abandon. People could be themselves and know they wouldn’t be judged. It is a beautiful thing.

I share about my visits to Hula’s not just to describe or affirm what I observed in the sanctuary of a gay bar, but because I experienced it too. I say with all the love in the world that my wife Lourdes is somewhere on the diva-drama queen spectrum which, when paired with my pastoral identity, makes us a unique couple. There, in the midst of all these men and women who were rejoicing in who God created them to be, Lourdes and I felt safe and free to be who God created us to be. We fit right in!

UCC minister Quinn Caldwell, picks up this theme of sanctuary in the Still Speaking Daily Devotional that appeared on Tuesday. He writes:

For me it was The Common Ground in Ithaca, NY, a magnificently seedy roadhouse several miles outside of town.  It had a gravel and grass parking lot, a perpetual haze of cigarette smoke, and an all-age cast of regulars you could easily have built a sitcom around.  My husband will tell you about The Park in Roanoke, VA, which he and his college friends would drive 45 minutes to get to every weekend, and which they talk about today like it’s a homeland from which they’re in unwilling diaspora.

Ask any queer person you know, and chances are they’ll have a story to tell you about a place like this.  They will tell you about how they found a family there, how they found themselves there, how they felt safe for the first time on the dance floor there, how much they learned there, how they found love there, how they learned to be bold there, how they dressed like themselves for the very first time there, showing off their glitter, or butch haircut, or size 13 high heels without fear.  That note you hear in their voice as they tell you about it?  That’s gratitude, and reverence.

50 dead and more than 50 wounded hits hard anytime and anywhere.  But for many queer people, what happened at Pulse hits as hard as shootings in churches hit for Christians, as hard as shootings in black churches hit for black Christians.  It’s not just the death toll.  It’s not just that it was a hate crime.  It’s that it happened in a sanctuary.

The passage from Jeremiah echoes some of the themes we find in the Orlando shooting. Jeremiah is communicating God’s promise to the Jews, a return home from exile. There shall be a time when “young women (will) rejoice in the dance, and the young men and the old shall be merry. I will turn their mourning into joy” says God. Indeed, to those who found sanctuary at Pulse night club last Saturday night it probably felt as if that promise of a return from exile had been fulfilled. In a holy respite from judgment, young men and women rejoiced in dance and were merry.

The Jeremiah text then shifts dramatically, from rejoicing and dancing to lamentation and bitter weeping. There is reference to Ramah, a town five miles north of Jerusalem through which Jewish people travelled on their way to exile in Babylon. Rachel, here representing the nation of Israel, weeps for the continued suffering and death of Jews in exile, refusing to be comforted because her children are no more.

A voice was heard from Pulse, lamentation and bitter weeping, and we refuse to be comforted because these children are no more. Gays and lesbians continue to fear for their lives in exile.

The Jeremiah text mirrors the emotional whiplash between joy-filled dancing in response to an experience of God’s love and acceptance followed by inconsolable anguish in response to the death of God’s children. The grief is even more bitter when violence penetrates the promise of sanctuary. Caldwell responds to this violation in this way:

Here’s a true thing: every sanctuary will be invaded, by madness or death or slow decay, sooner or later.  Even the Temple in Jerusalem fell.  Even the body of God was penetrated.  But here’s what Christians believe: that body is still our refuge and our might.  That the lord of the dance(hall) wouldn’t stay dead.  That his pulse wouldn’t stop pulsing.  That they couldn’t take our Sanctuary away.

 In the Gospel lesson from John the disciples seek sanctuary, seal themselves apart, following the murder of Jesus on the cross. Caldwell reminds us, “even the body of God was penetrated,” and here Jesus shares his woundedness with the disciples’ own suffering, there is no escaping the pain; but Jesus also communicates peace and forgiveness and new life. Jesus reminds the disciples that his pulse won’t stop pulsing, then sends them out to share this love and acceptance with a hurting world.

This is the other reason I told some of my own stories this morning. I recognize that for some, the preacher sharing about his wonderful experiences in a gay bar would be taboo. But what does that taboo communicate? If we cannot celebrate the ways and places that gays and lesbians feel most accepted, safe and free, can we as a church legitimately claim to be a sanctuary? Let me say that again. If we cannot celebrate the ways and places that gays and lesbians feel most accepted, safe and free, can we as a church legitimately claim to be a sanctuary?

So let us weep with Rachel, refusing to be comforted for the death of God’s children, of our children.

Then, let us ask God to prepare us to be a sanctuary.

Let us pray that Quinn Caldwell’s words about gay bars may come to apply to us and our church.

May those who are most vulnerable and threatened tell of how they found a family here, how they found themselves here, how they felt safe for the first time on the dance floor that is this sanctuary, how much they learned here, how we found love here, how we learned to be bold here, how we dressed like ourselves for the very first time here, showing off our glitter, or butch haircut, or size 13 high heels without fear.

And should that happen… when this happens, may we respond with gratitude and reverence.

Jeremiah concludes:

For there is a reward for your work, says the Lord: they shall come back from the land of the enemy; there is hope for your future says the Lord: your children shall come back to their own country.

 

 

Published in: on June 20, 2016 at 2:03 pm  Leave a Comment  
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